pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
