I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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