Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
