i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
