I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
