So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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