I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
