I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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