She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
