Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
