Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
