Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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