just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
