Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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