You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
