Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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