OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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