Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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