im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
