Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
