Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
