ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
