I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't deserve a penis
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
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