Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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