Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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