Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
