I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
