tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
