i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
