just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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