THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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