I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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