I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
