dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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