apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
