So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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