true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
