The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
