She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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