I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
