just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
