I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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