I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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