I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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