You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
