i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
