It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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