Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
