no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
