plz talk dirty to me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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