porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
