U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
