I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
