It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
